Inciting JOY

For the Love of: Nonsense

Last year for my birthday my friends made me a handmade card that said “follow your joy.” I have it still propped in my room and whenever I am feeling low, which frankly happens at least once a day after reading the news about Palestine, I think about what one thing I can do to bring me some sense of joy, to get me out of the awful slump of consuming tragedy after tragedy.

If I asked myself this question back in October, November, or even December, I would probably have thrown a pillow in my own face and said fuck off. But, as I’ve talked about in other posts, I’ve come to realize there’s a responsibility in the diaspora (a responsibility that, perhaps, pre-October 7th I did not believe mattered much) and even that realization alone has helped me get out of bed in the morning.

But I have a complex relationship with the idea of “turning off” certain facets of my life so as to heal or take space, specifically when it comes to Palestine. Palestine is always, always on my mind. It’s an addiction, and it has been long before October 7th. But it’s not sustainable, or at least dwelling on Palestine consistently has not been sustainable for me. It wasn’t until someone told me that I owed it to Palestinians back home to keep doing the work that I’m doing that I realized taking care of myself had to be a priority then as well.

I haven't cracked any code (duh) —but I have realized that the more you turn toward joy, or allow joy in, the easier it is to access. It’s a habit that I am trying to foster. Sometimes it feels like it’s working. Sometimes, again, I’d like to tell myself to fuck off.

BUT! Spring is beginning to spring in New York and that never fails to give me a little zap of energy. Joy feels a little bit more accessible these days and I wanted to share what has been part of that joy equation.

FIRST, I must share a thought on seeking Joy versus Happiness. This is something I stole from the poet Ross Gay from his essay collection, The Book of Delights. Gay meditates on the small daily delights that ultimately bring him Joy. It was after writing this collection that he then went on to write Inciting Joy, which happens to be, unsurprisingly, deliciously delightful. I loved that both of these books focus on small acts that bring beauty into our world—watching flowers peek out between concrete, a friend’s overuse of air quotes, admiring a bug doing whatever bugs do. His essays are not all beautiful and simple, in fact, some of them are tragic. But I loved that somehow there was always space for delight or, if lucky, a moment of Joy.

So, joy it is! Happiness feels lame, anyway — it feels unattainable as if it’s meant to always last when it can’t possibly. There is a natural, inherent, fleetingness to the idea of Joy, and THAT is what makes it not only beautiful but attainable. By the way, Zadie Smith wrote extensively on Joy in her essay collection Feel Free and sometimes I think what she wrote is beautiful and resonates and other times I think she’s wrong. So there’s that.

Anywhose, what brought me Joy this week has been quite a few things. One of them was going to a concert with my friend Erin (who happens to run the very necessary Substack AskErin and is all around a lovely human). We went to see the young girl band The Last Dinner Party and my gawd were we blown away. My favorite song of theirs happens to also be their hit song, “Nothing Matters,” (so, yes, I am not interesting in anyway) but it’s a banger so it deserves a shout. My friend pointed out to me that they feel like a young all-girl version of ABBA (though a bit more indie-rock) and I very unironically love ABBA, so this also bodes well for their future in my life.

Also, I went to Barnard for undergrad. Why is this important? Because I cherish, nay, I thrive in all women-identifying spaces and this concert was pretty much that. Everyone was so happy to be there — many of them came in costumes that mirrored the outfits the band wears in their music videos — supporting these badass chicks who are all under the age of I think 25? I cannot for the life of me find it online but they met in University in England (so bonus they have hot British accents) and pretty immediately took off so I know they are young and very talented and very powerful 🧙🏽‍♀️. Honestly, watching women go after what they want is like its own kind of supercharge pick-me-up.

I also found Joy in a new audiobook this week: The Dutch House by Ann Patchett which Tom Hanks reads so… no explanation necessary there. I’m a little late to the Ann Patchett game but her novels are so beautifully crafted and somehow always cozy and I need cozy right now. I also finished Wellness by Nathan Hill which although a bit on the long end for me (over 600 pages) I thought was a masterclass in fiction with how seamlessly he went back and forth in time and between character’s minds. I also started a new book that I am pretty stoked about called We Could Have Been Friends, My Father and I by the Palestinian writer and human rights lawyer Raja Shehadeh 🇵🇸 …. JOY, this stack of books bring me JOY.

Finally, I had a beautiful conversation this week with my mentor Ijeoma Oluo who happens to actually be important on Substack and elsewhere. We connected through Sophia Chang’s program Unlock Her Potential which pairs women of color up with a mentor within their industry! Next UP on my audiobook list is Ijeoma’s latest book Be a Revolution — I recommend checking it out, as well as her other work and her Instagram.

Other books I cannot wait to read (hopefully soon) include…

Grief is For People by Sloane Crosely which just came out this month!! It was reading Crosely’s first essay collection I Was Told There’d Be Cake that first made me think I could maybe be a writer. I had never read an essay collection before and reading hers changed how I thought about writing and creativity in general.

Hello Beautiful by Ann Napolitano which I hear feels like Little Women. That is actually all I know and that fact pretty much alone sold me because… cozy

How To Say Babylon a memoir by Safiya Sinclair which just came out this year and is supposed to mix the personal with the political and as a Palestinian I am all for that kind of blend.

Welp, I could keep going about books or the fact that this girl Vienna on Instagram always makes me laugh BUT I think we must remember one beautiful aspect of Joy, which is that it’s meant to be fleeting, just like this newsletter. Thanks for letting me hyperlink to all of my favorite things… the hyperlinks themselves also happened to incite JOY in my life.