Some Things I've Been Doing to Avoid Writing

AND some writing news :)

This has been a roller coaster of a week watching the mainstream news spew the most ridiculous shit about these student protests. And then last night to watch Columbia University call in what seemed like hundreds of cops on its own students, on the anniversary of them calling the cops on their own students for protesting Vietnam, it’s been really difficult to remain hopeful.

The student journalists on these campuses deserve an award, their tuition reimbursed, and free, quality therapy. I’ve been following their work at Columbia Spectator as well as the student broadcasting channel WKCR.

Last week after spending hours trying to gather information about what these students were facing and which campuses needed what, I had a come to Jesus moment with my phone. Now that I’m writing full-time without teaching responsibilities, without tech colleagues let alone cafe buddies to sit next to, I’ve started relying on my phone as a source of comfort and community, especially so to stay on top of what’s happening in Gaza and broader Palestine.

Since October my screen time has skyrocketed, it’s higher than it has ever been, and my time on Instagram feels futile and uncomfortably addicting. So, I decided to delete it last week, and wow did that bring me JOY. This was the first time since October that I had not been on Instagram (before October I didn’t even have Instagram on my phone because I was very above it all and trying to be *present* and Buddha-like). Without access, I felt guilty that I was going to miss something important in Gaza, something that only Instagram could tell me. But when I downloaded it today, everything was the same. I had the same handful of hateful messages from folks I needed to delete, the same violence continuing now on more college campuses (but continuing nonetheless), the same absurd and blatant lies from Netanyahu and his clown political heads.

I share this because if you too have become addicted to reading the news on social media and need someone to tell you to take a break, say a Palestinian, for example, let me be that Palestinian who tells you! Joy! The revolution is polyrhythmic, as my friend reminded me recently, and it turns out the revolution continues and is empowered by each of us being our best selves… so stop scrolling.

EXCEPT for this very exciting piece of news, which is that finally, finally my piece in The Atlantic is out and can be read and, IF POSSIBLE, shared on all social platforms 🥰 — So, before you delete Instagram and become Buddha-like, do your girl a solid and read and share my latest piece!

I have a lot of mixed feelings about how this essay came to be published at The Atlantic — feelings that I’ll share in a later post. For now, let me just say that I’m proud of this writing. It feels like a 2K word version of the book I’m working on (though most days I avoid it, more on that in a minute). It examines my relationship to my Palestinian identity and what it means to uphold it today in the diaspora. I touch on my family’s rich archive, generational trauma, the genocide today — all the good stuff. I haven’t always liked being Palestinian. It’s *complicated* to be something that historically most scorn the moment you share your family’s background. But I am fully and wholly Palestinian — I just took the blood test and it turns out that I am 100% that bitch so, here we are.

Outside of jumping through hoops to get this piece published, I’ve been listening to Rick Rubin’s book The Creative Act: A Way of Being which I highly recommend for those who need to passively be reminded of ways to chip away at their creative projects. I am not the biggest fan of The Artist’s Way (sorry I know so many people are, don’t attack me it’s just too much work and I like the morning pages, don’t get me wrong but gahhh it’s too much I’m sorry, please don’t attack me).

Anyway, Rubin’s book is a lovely, light reminder of why we decide to create and what it means to honor our creative selves. He shares practical advice throughout the book without making a twelve-step program of it. I really loved his chapter on abundance — I’ve been really scared lately that I will run out of ways to write about Palestine or that my creativity will run dry. His practical advice around reshaping our relationship to our creative projects was really healing for me and I know others in my life. I also loved his chapters on the beginner’s mind as well as play, success, and seeds. I think it’s one of those books I could return to in a year from now just as a reminder of how I can take a step back and think differently about my writing and creative life.

One book that I absolutely had to stop reading because it was not good was Hello Beautiful which I feel bad about because I shared how excited I was to read this book a few weeks ago. I’m also not here to shame other writers but…this one was not for me. It turns out my trusted bookseller (yes, I’ve got a lady on speed dial I call who works in a bookstore in San Francisco and her suggestions are usually perfection), Oprah’s Book Club, and the NYT do not get everything right (we knew this) and this is a prime example. I felt bad not chugging through but life is short and there are so many other books to read or walls to stare at so I just, couldn’t.

I did start a book that I’m excited to keep reading which is Babel by R.F Kuang — it feels timely and relevant amid these students protesting the powers that be. I also needed to escape into a different world and was craving N.K Jemisin’s Fifth Season trilogy and was recommended this — we’ll see how it goes. If you haven’t read Fifth Season yet, stop everything you’re doing and buy all three books at once because you will consume them so fast that you will need the next one by your side, also block off your calendar because no social events are really necessary for the next few weeks, you will be stimulated enough, I promise — wow I am so jealous of the journey you are about to embark on!

Some other things I’ve been doing while avoiding my writing include listening to Crying in H Mart and gardening. I highly recommend either or both. They seem to pair well. I’m late to the Michelle Zauner party but I sometimes like to read things afterrrrrr the hype and this was no exception and very much worth the wait. I also started listening to Zauner’s music which has brought me more JOY!

When I’ve finally given up on forcing myself to write and can no longer distract myself with readings — readings that I claim are for “book research” though these books have truly nothing to do with my project and are simply here to amuse me — I’ve turned to watching a lovely and peaceful show called All Creatures Great and Small. It’s set in the 1930s in Northern England and it’s about a trio of handsome, British, sometimes annoying, veterinarians working in the Dales and supporting the local farmers. It’s so pleasant, has absolutely no bearing on my reality, and is thus splendid. I’ve worn out my Gilmore Girl reruns and needed a new escape. PBS saved the day.

If you’d rather hear me rant about Palestine, don’t forget to check out my latest essay in The Atlantic. It took eight months to get over the finish line, show it some love.